A Candid Take on Arranged Marriages in India

Getting into the 25 years age group.. there is a lot of talk on weddings and marriages. On my father’s side of the family nearly 90% marriages are love marriages so it was expected out of me to find a suitable guy for myself to whom i can’t marry without their consent so the entire arranged marriage setting drama was avoided since I am already engaged (blushing**)

Recently I heard that a very pretty looking nerd who never even bought a pair of earrings without her mom’s consent got engaged (so arranged marriage was obvious). When I saw the girl’s fiance, tall, dark, above average looks and most importantly a gym goer (which seems to be high on a girls expectation list), I wondered why such a guy couldn’t find a girl for himself. Then due to turn of events, he actually had the audacity to say this to her that “God alone knows how many abortions you might have had”. How dare he??? No wonder his ex girlfriend left him but the pity is that they are still getting married…

Its a well known fact that girls love their parents way more than a guy loves his, so opting for a love marriage is way more difficult for a girl than a guy. So why do guys living in Urban India opt for arranged marriages???

1. Because they can’t get a girl for themselves (Ironically some men can’t even speak to girls but they will give Action Jackson a complex on the first night of their wedding)

2. Because they are mumma’s boys (Read: extremely dominating mothers)

3. Because they are into their family business (No say anyways)

4. Because they aren’t financially independent (Which father will give his daughter’s hand to a guy financially dependent and no family backing)

5. Because they are settled abroad (Basically tried all types of girls but shaadi only to a desi girl, else who will cook Indian food for them??)

6. Because they belong to a repressed society where they think that if a girl has opted for an arranged marriage that means she is untouched (I wonder which world they live in cause I remember even 10 years back when my sister stayed in a hostel during college days, some girls there from small towns went to extremes to have fun saying “Baaki saari zindagi toh ghunghat mein bitani hain” (translation: have to spent the rest of my life under a veil)

Very rarely is it that some seriously good guys get into arranged marriages. I recently attended such a wedding where my fiance’s friend got married to his father’s late friend’s daughter. It was so cute!! The girl was extremely shy not because she was uncomfortable but because she was so overwhelmed with the attention she received. Another such example is that my ex boss got into an arranged marriage with the same girl he was in a relationship for 6 years and his father in law still has no clue after 4 years of marriage… Can you beat that??? hehe…

Yet after all this there are so many mothers of sons complaining that even in an arranged marriage, girls are so demanding and it is impossible to find a suitable girl for their sons which they entirely blame on the girls. Not even once do they look at how their son is. And more importantly why shouldn’t a girl have demands, she has given up the option of falling in love for that!! For God sake the sex ratio in India is 940:1000. She can get which ever guy she wants but still why does a girl opt for an arranged marriage?

1. Respect and love for conservative parents (Obviously who will get into the struggle of convincing parents?)

2. Guaranteed settled life after marriage (Hardly any financial sacrifices… after all why did they quote the expected salary of the guy??)

3. In case of divorce, the onus lies on the parents and not her

4. Any problem in the marriage will become a family discussion (Why break your own head to work things out??)

5. Respect from husbands and their family (They will never know about the hidden skeletons in the closet)

Well by the above i don’t mean to say that all girls are opportunists and all guys are losers but then opting for arranged marriages will continue to baffle me!!! Obviously the success of a marriage does not depend on whether it is arranged or love but then love is equally important in a marriage!!!

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