Releasing thy self

As per Spirituality, we have two selves within us. One is the true self and the other is our wounded self, better known as the “EGO”. Our true self or the soul is aware that we are all part of the same infinite existence, no different from each other and aligned by the Infallible Way where only unconditional love exists. Our wounded self is the exact opposite, it wants us to believe that we are all different from each other and we need to either rise above the rest or do specific actions to be worthy of the love around. Mostly everyone is living according to wishes of the wounded self. There is a paradox too, unless we repeat those actions of our wounded self, we will never experience certain things to learn those lessons which make us aware of our true self! Strange isn’t it?

I always wondered that in spite of certain spiritual practices, there were certain times where I knew that I wasn’t able to maintain a calm sense of mind. I would be either infuriated, restless, sad, hopeless etc. It was almost like, those situations would trigger my behaviour according to the wounded self! It almost felt like a trap!

While reading the book “Siddhartha” by Hermann Hesse, I got an idea! The only way to accelerate my transition from the wounded self to the true self is to mindfully trigger those situations. I recently attended a 3 week course which was essentially to groom the 40 CAs to become job worthy. I instead made it my play ground. I behaved exactly the opposite of what my wounded self was asking me to. I have always been an enthusiastic person when it came to group activities, where I could display all my qualities especially leadership skills. I did the opposite, I never voluntarily took up leadership instead I followed the leadership of others even though I sometimes disagreed with them. I was contradicting myself at every step. Earlier I was never vocal about my spiritual side, here I almost become the brand ambassador of it and was sometimes trolled too, but I loved every bit of it! I was consciously maneuvering every sentence and action of mine just to get varied reactions from others to go through all kinds of emotions! That was extremely liberating!

Almost every faculty that came, recited the Japanese Shark story, trying to motivate everyone that we all need a shark in our lives to exceed. I almost had a debate with one faculty, that you are basically asking everyone to be continuously unhappy and unsatisfied just to achieve certain heights in human terms! Fret not, I not once lost my cool nor did I go to the extent of trying to convince him even though he was trying his best to instigate me! My motive of that debate wasn’t to prove myself right or him wrong, it was just to put a seed of thought in the other 39 minds that you are all worthy of the same infinite amount of love by just being yourself! Please don’t confuse conscious inactivity with slack & careless behaviour. After all most people perceive a yogi in meditation to be asleep, but I know, his mind is at the operational level that most of us can’t even fathom!

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