For all the years of my existence, I always struggled with an identity crisis. In spite of being a reasonably good person as I considered myself, I was unable to have any concrete and satisfying relationships and I always wondered why? To add to the confusion, at the early age of 10 years I was able to have mental conversations with spiritual beings! I got used to being ridiculed by my own friends, and yet there was a firm affirmation inside me that I’m definitely not stupid or hallucinating.
At the age of thirteen I had my first real conversation about this with my mum and that’s when it all began. I was introduced to the world of spirituality by my mom and her numerous spiritual gurus. I was trained in occlumency by Rao uncle even before I read the harry potter books since it was essential to guard my mind from spiritual beings at puberty. I found these phenomenons extremely hilarious and would imagine hypothetical antennas on my head which I could turn on/ off just like a radio, nevertheless I grasped it.
Reading the book “the autobiography of a yogi” by Parahamsa Yogananda at 15 was a revelation! Being able to link spirituality to science gratified my logical mind to a great extent. Yet there was hardly an improvement regarding my relationships. My career took a hit as well since I was always distracted owing to various reasons! I would have bouts of depression and anxiety for no apparent reasons.
By the age of 24, I was considering clinical help, but I kept reading more on the lines of spiritual reasonings. In March 2015, I finally stumbled upon an article which explained the phenomenon of being an Empath -http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
I had finally found another piece of the puzzle, OMG I’m an empath also!! Everything started making sense to me. Why I hated crowded areas, loud music, or completely avoided certain people or was attracted to some others etc… My failure in relationships wasn’t because of my behaviour, it was because I reacted to feelings of persons rather than what was being said to me! Since then I have learnt so much and I’m still progressing towards having healthier relationships. I learnt to appreciate the effort of people saying something inspite of feeling otherwise! I learnt to set boundaries around me! More importantly I learnt to keep silent!! And the learning still continues!!
On a lighter note for those who meet me – your secrets are safe!! Hehe..